It’s been a year since the first lockdown started which in itself is a bit mad. When we were all told we needed to work from home, none of us thought it would be for more than a few weeks. I was actually in my final month of working at my previous job and still thought I’d get to see my team before leaving. The sad matter of fact is we’ve not seen each other since. The thought of lockdown easing is a very positive one. We’ve been in this situation and state far longer than we’d ever thought we would. But it doesn’t stop the feeling of apprehension.
How the last year has changed things
Had lockdown and the pandemic impact lasted a few weeks, or even a few months I think I’d have rolled out the same person just taking a few days to get back into the swing of going out and having late nights in the week due to gigs and cinema trips. But as it’s been a year, a lot has changed both in my life and my mind.
Like so many people I’ve got used to the slower pace of life and my body loves it. I’m getting enough sleep, I’ve got enough time t exercise every day and I have a routine. But with lockdown easing and things slowly finding their way into my calendar it’s a strange feeling I have. Of course, I’m so excited to start seeing people and doing things I love. At the moment with gigs, festivals, theatre shows and weekends in London I genuinely don’t feel like myself. But I wonder how that will impact the positive changes I’ve found in myself over the past year.
I know now that I need to strike a balance and not be out four nights a week, or away every weekend. My mind and body need some rest time too.
Lockdown easing anxiety
But it isn’t just the routine and the change in how my mind and body things, it’s the genuine anxiety I feel. Being a regular gig and festival goer crowds never bothered me. I’d squeeze onto crowded tubes and walk down Oxford Street on a Saturday with no real issue. But the thought of lockdown easing and actually being around crowds of people again has me feeling anything other than joy.
Like pretty much everyone I’ve been surrounded by one person constantly over the past year. Even with lockdown easing last summer, or when things have been better I’ve only seen a handful of people. And never in big groups or hugely close proximity. And by the time June 21st comes around, it will have been almost 18 months. I genuinely don’t know how my mind is going to cope with it. The thought of being in the middle of a crowd watching a live show certainly excites me, but it also makes me feel anxious.
Taking it one step at a time
Lockdown easing is happening very slowly so at least there’s time to get used to situations and being with a few people, then some more etc. But it’s something I’m going to have to get slowly used to and take in my own time.
I have events that have been rearranged over this year and I need to make sure I don’t push myself to do those plus loads more. Although I do have a festival at the very start of July and honestly I don’t know how I feel about it. But that’s something I’ll have to tackle as time goes on.
I am feeling okay but a little apprehensive about the easing as we know what happened last time. Hopefully we will avoid falling back into lockdown once again.